I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
