threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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