Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
