The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
