I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
