don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
