Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
