Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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