i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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