There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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