i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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