hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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