Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
