He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
