i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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