Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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