Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize