btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
