Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
