Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He shit in the fireplace
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