My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
and you fell through a lawn chair
I supernannyed him into submission
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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