Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
