I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
