The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
