Im at strip club and am horny
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
True strength comes from lack of pants
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
