I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
