GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
