I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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