The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
