its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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