good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
