Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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