I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
