benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
