Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
