Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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