from now on my penis is your penis
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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