Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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