is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
