My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
