This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
