The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize