you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
