I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
