nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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