i just wanna soil my oats bro
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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