oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
