you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
