I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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