I bet he comes in French.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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