im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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