you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
