What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
