Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
