What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
