so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i think i just lost a toe
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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