did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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