i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
