I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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