Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this beer tastes like vomit already
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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