just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize