There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
