I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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