bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
