he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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