Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
