She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
