Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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