Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
