I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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