so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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