She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
