I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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