rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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