Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
