he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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