hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
