VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i've created a new STD.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
