I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
