man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
