hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
