Swine flu. Run for my life!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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