I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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