She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
