I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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