handjob tips. give me some.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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