i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
